Day 15 – Venturing out of Tallinn

​Today was a massive day! So many experiences and so many things to be grateful for. First of all mum and I packed everything up and started our long journey down the stairs with all our bags. I was surprised at how much we had, granted some of it was food and other items which we wont keep but my gosh, we had 4 flights of stairs to get down, and they were not straight. At one point I was laying the bags down and sliding them down to mum, however mine was a bit to heavy and we could only do that once, but hey, it was good doing that with one flight than carrying them down. After a big sweaty adventure, and taking a moment to reflect on what we just did, words can’t describe, I was grateful we could even do this and able to. We then got to where we were going to do “the exchange” of papers and a car. It felt really gangster like, just meeting this lady on the side of the road to exchange contracts and keys, it kind of made me giggle. We packed up the car and we were off!!

We took the 1hr drive to Kadrina, but I had to navigate the Tallinn roads first! Thankfully we were already on the correct side of Tallinn to where we wanted to go, but it was a bit scary and I had to remember to keep myself in the centre of the road and not to veer to the right, which mum had to remind me. When we got close to Kadrina, sadly I couldn’t take photos but we drove about 10 minutes through this little forest. It was incredible and I wish I stopped! It just looked like something out of a movie. The ground was covered in moss, the trees were in abundance and it just looked so incredibly majikal I really wish I had of stopped and put my feet on the ground and really connect with the nature there. Hopefully I will go past it again and have the chance. There was also some beautiful little lakes there that just looked so inviting and the little huts that were so cute, I just wanted to submerge myself in this area.

​We arrived at Juta’s house and I remember being here many years ago, but with all my cousins. Juta is so inviting, so warm and really like a beautiful Grandmother. I felt so at home and peace when I arrived here, cared for in a way that only a Grandmother could really do. Her Granddaughter, Meriel, was here too and she remembered me from many years ago. When we were driving around Rakvere she told me a story of when we met in 2014, with all my cousins and some of my Aunties, at the castle, and the only thing she could remember was me, nothing else. This made me giggle. It is incredible the associations our brains make and how we connect with different people in different ways. I remember once, Meriel drew me a picture, mum seems to think it was flowers, and I still have it somewhere. My point is, Meriel and I clearly have a connection from many years ago and even today we can connect easily and have some wonderful conversations. What I like about her is that she is not afraid to ask for what she wants (my kind of girl) in that she asked me to help her with her pronunciation of words, as long as I don’t get asked to help her with spelling, we will be right. Anyway, Juta cooked a really easy, yet delicious lunch and I really was so grateful to have a home cooked meal, and of course potatoes. It reminded me of my own Grandmothers and how they would cook us meals and yummy deserts (which Meriel made, a chocolate and strawberry cheese cake). They were so delicious. I remember thinking, we were drinking out of these small glasses, and they were very similar to what my Grandma Silvi had, when we were growing up. Danae and I were only allowed half a glass of water, or whatever was going, with our meals, before we could have more to drink. These glasses were exactly the same.

​We then headed into Rakvere where we went to some more incredible Käsitöö shops, and right after mum and I agreed not to buy any more things! Well this promise to each other was absolutely frivolous because we broke it in an instant! I couldn’t believe the abundance of Estonian Handicrafts and how much cheaper they were here than in Tallinn. I mean I knew they would be cheaper, but this was like half the price, especially the vööid. There were so many and what I really liked about it was how they had the different regions on the tags so you could purchase the correct one if you were doing it all correctly. I have to admit I did get one, but the abundance of them brought me so much joy. This store just had so many wonderful little things, but clearly we didn’t get everything, but I was able to add to my coffee cup collection!! Something I have been looking forward to. Honestly, I thought my apartment was Estonian themed before… but now, it will be something else, but done tastefully I have to add. We then headed to another Käsitöö shop where we found some beautiful socks, and they were pink! I couldn’t believe it, and they where relatively inexpensive, so I had to take them! Meriel and I found some funny hats, I thought they were cute but of course, they had to stay there but it was fun to take a silly photo of it. I am finding it somewhat challenging to put into words how I feel when I go into these Käsitöö shops. There is just so much connection, abundance and joy that comes from walking into these shops. It doesn’t mean I need to buy things but I am amazed at how the traditions of Käsitöö still live on in the Estonian culture and I really hope this never dies out. I guess with the continuation of craft camps and people learning the art of it all, hopefully it will continue.

​We drove around Rakvere, looking at the old buildings and houses then came to the castle. We didn’t go into the castle as I have been in there several times but we did take some pictures. Meriel wanted to show me the new lauluväljak (singing square) in Rakvere. It was really beautiful and looked so purpose built for singing. What also struck me was how quiet it was. You could hear the birds singing and the wind flowing and it was majikal. Being in such a place, at peace, reflecting on the history of war, it is incredible how far this little country has come from when it got its freedom in 1991. These are little quiet moments of reflection I often have when I am here. I also really liked that they have the Rakvere flag flying high, at the top of the hill, proud of the county and culture of the people that live here. It is beautiful. Estonian’s have a lot of pride for their country and where their roots are from, this is something that really resonates with me when I am here and how I fit into it all.

​We then made the journey to, I had no idea where we were going, but we did see some stalk nests! Danae and I would ask Dad to stop, when we were 10 and 11, all the time so we could take photos…It turns out we went past this beautiful area with a Mõis (Manor house). The grounds and the gardens were just stunning. I did say to Meriel there are not building like this in Australia. I find it very beautiful and peaceful. The trees were so lush, the grass was incredibly green. I went down to touch it and it was so soft, like velvet, with some really pretty white flowers. It was wonderful to stop for that moment in time and just appreciate what I had in front of me, what I was seeing. The water was so peaceful and calming, I stopped for a moment and thought what it would be like to live in a place lie this, to have this at my finger tips to enjoy when ever I wanted. It would be amazing and such a beautiful place to be, reflect and do some inner work.

​We then continued to drive, and I still didn’t know where we were going. It turns out we ended up at the house where my Dad’s Mother (my Grandmother ‘Ema’) was born and grew up for some years. When we arrived I said to mum, “I have been here before!”. In that moment I didn’t realise it was where my Grandmother had grown up and I came there, I think it was in, 2014, with my cousins. This is where I think Meriel gave me the picture of the flower many years ago. When we were walking around, I tried to see if I could feel my Grandmother around me but I couldn’t really feel much of anything but mum said she could to a degree. It was a bit eerie walking the same steps my Grandmother walked when she was a child. Picturing the gardens in the same way and she would have played in them with her brothers and sisters. It was a bit of a warm feeling, a familiar feeling, almost a homely feeling, being where my Grandmother had walked before. Even writing about it I can feel this grounding energy around me, reliving the experience, it is somewhat comforting. We are staying with her niece, who is a bit like a Grandmother figure herself, and it just feels so warm and comforting.

​Once we left there, we went to a cemetery where some of our family is buried. The cemeteries are immaculately kept here in Estonia. It is like being in a forest with lots of greenery and the living look after their loved ones in such a way that I have never seen before. It really is something else and it feels so peaceful when you are sitting in the cemetery, reflecting and being. There is a wonderful tradition in Estonia where you take some very specific candles to there and light it, to honour the people that you are visiting. I have never seen these types of candles in Australia before, for this purpose but it is a wonderful tradition. I was told the story of one of my relatives, Emil Rannala, during Russian occupation and the mass deportation, he was working somewhere close to home and the little neighbour kids saw the Russian’s looking for him so they ran to his work to tell him. He did not go home for a few days and avoided being deported. During this time, it was just a numbers game. The Russians had to send a particular number of people to Siberia each day and he was just another number. I was told because they couldn’t find him, they just took someone else. Could you imagine living in a time like this?! It didn’t matter who you were, if they needed to take someone, they would just take you because you were really just a number. This kind of bullshit makes me feel really angry. There was no consideration for human life and the life they lived, or people that depended on them, merely sent to camps to be worked to death. I am glad the Estonian’s are remembering and honouring this part of their history, in hopes that it does not repeat itself.

​We then went to another supermarket to get some ice cream and a few essentials. One thing I will never really kind of understand is how easy it is to buy alcohol. You can get it at the supermarket, rather than specific bottle shops. We also got some ice cream. When we were at the checkout, the man who was after us, saw 4 women, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine, he wanted to join the party. He jokingly took the vodka and put it in his bag, mum swiftly took it back as we walked out of the store.

​Once we got home, Juta cooked us some amazing dinner. From the outside looking in, it is really simple. Sausages, salad, fried potato and bread. But oh my gosh, it brings back some incredible memories of when I was living here and even what my grandmother used to cook us. It was simple but I really enjoyed it and commented that you just can’t get this in Australia because the produce is so different. Juta would not let us help her AT ALL but I was so grateful to be sharing this meal with her. It was in this moment I really felt some kind of Grandmotherly love from her and she just wanted to look after us, in such a beautiful way. It was after dinner I asked if there were any lakes near by we could swim in because I had not yet done this while I have been here. She said there was, so we packed up and went to the lake.

​I have to say, it was somewhat cold and windy but Meriel and I didn’t care. We went to feel the water and then we decided we were going to go in. When my feet touched the water, I felt this wonderful calming effect rush over me, like when I was 11 years old, experiencing an Estonian lake for the first time. They are different to anything I have ever experienced before or ever again. I have so many fond memories of when I was a child, and then again as a teenager, being here in Eesti, seeing a lake when it was warm and asking Dad to stop so Danae and I could go for a swim. The first time we did it, we couldn’t believe the water, it was fresh, not salty, which is what we were used to. It just feels so incredibly Estonian to strip off and go for a swim in a lake or a tiik, depending where you are. One thing I did notice when we were leaving was there was a few safety things there with one of the things being an ice breaker. This made me giggle. Meriel and I had some wonderful conversations while swimming in the lake and it was really a wonderful experience.

​There were so many little moments today that really added up to it being a great day and this was just the start of our adventures outside of Tallinn.
Until tomorrow
Marissa xx